I’m here today to tell you how I know that Television is doomed to failure. It’s not what you’re all thinking either. It isn’t the derivative programming, the repetitive themes, or even the unimaginative shows succeeding while the truly groundbreaking ones are canceled. No, sir. It’s the dwindling number of 90’s style infomercials on late-night TV.

Back in the day (Wednesday, February 17, 1993) the late-night infomercial was a glorious thing. Really you would see one of three things: 1) Ron Popeil from Ronco spazing out about his company’s latest kitchen invention, guaranteed to gather dust in the most expensive way possible; 2) Exercise equipment; 3) People wanting you to get rich being a slum lord of the realestate world.

Just four easy payments of $49.99. And if you order now, we'll throw in Ron absolutely free.

These days, however, informercials have degraded into something base. It started with the Shamwow and Oxyclean informercials, I think. No longer was it about demonstrating the product, but rather shouting at the customer until they gave up and bought the product. From there we slid even further into informercial failure with the Girls Gone Wild advertisemens replacing nearly half of existing late-night informercials. From there, the number of get-rich-quick and realestate informercals rose and the number of wholesome Ronco and other kitchen gadget ads slumped off significantly.

We are living in an age of uninteresting, cut-and-paste infomercials. We are all lesser for it.

-Confusion is a state of mind, or is it?